It’s the pregnancy announcement I never got to make. Here I am, four years after my daughter was born, gently laying down her ultrasound pictures for a photo, and sharing with you about my rainbow baby.
I was newly married, and I wanted nothing more than to be a Mom. I remember hoping that I would be pregnant for my wedding, just enough to have a secret, but not so far along that I’d have to alter my dress. Starting a family was my first priority and something I had longed for for years.
And then shortly after we said I do, it happened, the test showed two lines. My heart was beating out of my chest, we were pregnant. I could hardly contain my excitement as I dreamed about nurseries, baby names and tiny outfits. We shared with our immediate family - overjoyed and so excited. Until it all came crashing down. A few weeks later, there was no heartbeat.
Then came the anxiety attacks, physical pain and sleepless nights. More tears than I could handle. I was left heartbroken and confused, at a loss of how to move forward.
We got pregnant again, but this time around, it felt different, what was once joy and happiness quickly became hesitation and fear. I kept telling myself that a surely a miscarriage couldn’t happen to us again, until it did. And again once more after that.
We never did make a pregnancy announcement.
I was always a very creative child and it felt natural for me to turn to art as a form of therapy while I was grieving. It forced me to focus my thoughts elsewhere and really pour my heart into something positive, at a time when I was feeling very helpless. This was the beginning of Paperscript.
5 years, multiple pregnancies and multiple miscarriages, I now am so lucky to have two beautiful daughters, our rainbow babies. Somehow in a time that felt so dark, I was able to find something that brought me so much joy. This business truly makes me so happy. I know that is not always the case for everyone, and that not everyone gets their rainbow baby.
So why now? Why share this, years later?
This year, I’ve chosen to support the PAIL Network for my Cards that Give Back campaign because it really does feel like it is full circle for me. I’m so lucky, in so many ways, but especially because I have the ability to host an intiative like this.
I invite you to join me this October to help raise awareness and support the PAIL Network and all the amazing work they do. Nobody should have to grieve alone, and together we can work to help others find some joy in their darkest times.